College, Gymnastics, Identity, University of Oklahoma

Grieving the End of a Chapter

I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I mean, it could have been a million things, but I couldn’t pinpoint just one. My mind was preoccupied all day with a jumble of incoherent thoughts. And out of nowhere, I snapped. I cried…like a baby. Actually, more like Kate (AKA Leslie Mann) in the movie, The Other Woman.8dfbff64ff0d21b979137a6b520260f6

I had started to reminisce in my mind about my current life, like it was already gone.

Why did I do this?
Naturally, it stemmed from me thinking too much.

I am a senior.

But what struck me….what really hit me was this – one very important chapter in my life is ending: The gymnastics years…
And another chapter will begin…
No matter how strong you think you are or how ready you think you are, transitions are hard for all of us.

Today, thoughts moved from excitement of embracing this last year and then starting a new challenge, to the fact that this chunk of time I have at the University of Oklahoma with my “Sooner family”, is almost over. And I’m a bit in mourning.

These past few years were certainly not perfect. It has been a roller coaster actually. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Okay, well maybe a couple, but that’s beside the point. Gymnastics hasn’t been just a sport to me. It’s been my everything…my saving grace. (That’s a blog post for another time.) But this university… I wouldn’t have wanted to spend these four years anywhere else.

There are so many great things to look forward to after being done. Or at least that’s what I am being told. BUT for someone like me, someone who has a really, REALLY hard time with change, realizing that you’re almost done with this stage in your life has this sneaky way of zapping any and every emotion you ever thought you had.

It’s bittersweet.

I’m scared as I think about my life now, and how it has evolved over the last few years. Although I have so much further to go, I can see how much I have changed. And I’m proud of that. But soon, my world will continue to expand and I will have to move forward.

While I may be prematurely in mourning over the upcoming end of one of the most significant chapters in my life so far, and deep in thought about the changes I still need to make, I am hopeful that it will all work out. Here’s to my senior year… Cheers!

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