It’s scary how easy it is to feel completely alone. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, married, have roommates, or if you live with family. There are times when you feel like the world is full of people that have either forgotten about you or are disappointed in you. Sometimes the feelings don’t even come from actual conversations with those people, but things you’ve played over and over in your head so much that they’ve mutated into something else entirely. Either way, it all just feels like too much.
I can’t tell you how everything is going to work out or what is going to happen tomorrow, but what I can tell you is that I am 100% positive, beyond any shadow of a doubt that you are not alone. Everyone gets those awful feelings. Your life could be going fine and the most tiny, simple thing will turn your world upside down. Usually it happens as soon as you lie down in your bed. For years, I have stayed up until I was about to pass out because I didn’t want to deal with the mental torment that would engulf my brain as soon as the lights went out. I start going through every “what if” scenario imaginable and overwhelm myself with things that, more than likely, will never happen. Most of the time, I feel like I am the only person in the world that feels this way and no one could possibly understand what I’m going through. That’s not true at all.
It may not be to that extreme, but everyone has moments of being swarmed by crippling inadequacy. Everyone has days where it seems as though every decision you make is the wrong one and every word you speak ends up doing unintentional damage. You feel like you push the people away you should cling to and desperately hold on to those that are toxic for your life. You’re not alone.
I wish I could write one of those blog posts that say something like, “Here are ten foolproof methods to help you kick it in gear!” I wish I could tell you that the people who have hurt you so deeply will be exposed for who they really are, or the things that you’ve worked so hard for are just within your reach, but I can’t. Bad things happen. Good people end up getting hurt and sometimes you just feel like lying in bed all day and screaming into your pillow. Just know that you’re not the only one that’s been in that exact same position.
So if everyone has been in that situation and felt that overwhelming sorrow, then what separates those who are presumably happy with those who are miserable? The refusal to stay in that place.
I’m not speaking from a place of judgment, but a place of experience. I’ve felt loss. I’ve had to deal with betrayal and heartbreak and the voice in the back of my head telling me that I don’t deserve happiness. I still do. I have moments where I listen to it and let it dictate my decisions.
But we have to get to the point where we decide if we will let our lives be defined by this, or if, in that moment, we will decide that this is the lowest point we will ever be and refuse to ever get back to that place.
You have to decide it for yourself. No one can make you push yourself beyond the sadness. No one can make you try when failure seems inevitable. Just don’t quit. We all have that battle. And we’re all fighting it together.