Life, Personal Growth

What Will You Do With Your One Life?

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I only have one life. What will I do with it? Well, for starters, I will be stressed to the max. A perfectionist. A people-pleaser. Even when I’m a kid.

I’m going to do so many things I never wanted to do. I’m going to live with thin skin, where I let every insult wound me and every compliment slide right off my back. I think I’m doing this wrong.

I will grow up with my awesome twin brother. We will live a pretty good childhood with our mother. We do fun things together: watch movies, cook and bake, and other typical parent-child things. We grow up being told nothing could tear our family apart…1915791_1091237097619_5562951_n…And then due to a turn of events, our family does indeed fall apart.

I’m going to spend most of my time trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I don’t like who I am so I will try to starve the feeling away, or push it down spending hours in the gym.

I will find interest in hobbies such as doodling and writing, and hiking and swimming.

I will start my freshman summer at the University of Oklahoma making a great first impression…that was sarcasm, of course. From that day forward, I’m going to make sure I spend all of my college experience trying to make the right moves and inevitably making all the wrong ones. I will try to prove that I can be of value, that I’m not a complete screw up. I don’t.

I will get my belly-button pierced and later, I’ll even get a tattoo. I’ll skip a couple classes. I’ll stay up past curfew. I’ll partake in social drinking. I’ll eat things I shouldn’t. I will make some bad choices. Again, it’s college.

But being a student-ATHLETE, a gymnast on one of the top collegiate gymnastics programs in the nation, I will get to do some pretty great things. I will be given numerous opportunities and chances that most would be lucky to experience. I will get to travel. I’ll get to meet people that I have looked up to for years. I will get to wear the prettiest, “BLINGY-est” leotards, and I will get to be in the coolest intro videos EVER! I will make history with my fellow Sooners and we will win two national championships. I will All-American on vault my senior year. Assuming ‘bodpod’ is correct, I’ll achieve a single-digit body fat percentage (because to me, that was something to be proud of). I will experience the Sooner spirit and a beautiful campus…there’s only one!IMG_5645

I will be terrified when things start going well. I feel I’d rather be in control of the crash when it happens, so I unconsciously turn my good situations into bad ones. After all, I’m used to messing things up. Consistency is key, right?

I will create a blog and post a variety of sorts… Some sarcastic and humorous, some probably more on the depressing and over-sharing side, and maybe even a couple inspirational ones.

I will graduate with a Bachelors degree in Communication, ironically because it’s something I’m awful at. I leave voicemails that sound like English is my second language. I don’t like to maintain eye contact. And I’m awkward.

A very important thing to do with your one life is to get a job, so I will do that. I will go to interviews and fail miserably. They ask some awfully deep and probing questions such as “What do you want to do with your life?” or “Why do you want this job?”. I will coach, I suppose. Then I’ll go on to find myself as a marketing assistant. A big girl job.

I will get a puppy. A miniature Australian Shepherd. A mini aussie. Maussie. See what I did there?13903365_10201935478225047_2925361942220641000_n

I will sometimes hate-scroll through Instagram at people I’m jealous of for more reasons than one, just to make my blood boil.

I will spend too many hours hating myself for everything I’m not. I’ll spend even more hours overthinking things. I will bite my nails and cuticles, and even pull out my hair.

I will be quick to forget everything good I’ve ever done. I will replay every mistake I’ve made or wrong thing I’ve said and done. I’ll hate myself for it.

I will learn that what other people think of you is none of your business. I will learn that you have to make peace with your past so that it doesn’t screw up your present. I will learn that I am allowed to change. I will learn to stop making excuses for the dysfunction that I allow into my life. I will learn to let the light shine through my cracks, and stand proudly in all of my details. I will move forward.

I will meet some really great people along the way. Those people will celebrate my highs, and help me through my lows.

I will take a good look at who I am and where I am, wondering how I got to be there. I will reflect…

Yes, it stressed me out to see this quote and think about what I should be doing with my ONE life. Most days, I fall short of being the person I hope to be. But life didn’t come with an instruction manual. I am living my life best I know how.3ac94aaf3b82566db7b8bde12c873169

I will still like this phrase every time someone has turned it into art on Pinterest or Instagram. I will try not to let it stress me out. I will try to be better. I will look ahead and realize that this is all I have. And I will live my ONE life as I please.

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