June 8, 2017: It’s so easy to love and be loved when things are going well. It’s easy when we’re having fun and exploring together. Loving someone when they’re easily lovable comes pretty naturally. And all of that…it’s great. But what’s just as great is when we love people and are loved by people when the ‘not so lovable’ parts show up.
Let’s dive in here. Sometimes our sky is clear and sunny. Sometimes there isn’t a cloud to be found. And other times the sky is roaring and electric. Days it might be grey with the sun hiding, and other days it might hold the most magical of colors that we ever did see.
Beautiful love sees all parts of us, and it finds a way to embrace those different parts…even when they’re resistant, closed down, hurting, or reactive.
Sometimes the storm is where we learn the most about ourselves and each other. Sometimes the clouds trigger us in such a way that it confronts parts of the story that need attention. Sometimes the rain is the greatest gateway to deep connection and intimacy. The easily lovable parts are beautiful…truly…AND the rest can be the greatest opportunity for transformation.
Find ways to love each other through it all. Be in. Always.
June 3, 2017: We’ve heard it before: hurt people – hurt (other) people. But the saying should really go: hurt people who do not connect to and feel their pain, can more easily hurt others than those who do connect and feel their pain. I know…it’s a mouthful. But why? What’s the deal?
When you’re hurting, we have a few options: avoid it, internalize it, feel it, acknowledge it, learn from it. Some of those happen in a specific order, but there’s a divide. The first two keep us stuck. The latter three have us moving through and addressing our pain. Here’s the deal. Confronting our hurt is necessary. Yes, sometimes it’s a timing thing (being avoid ant or in denial can serve us at the right time), but eventually we have GOT to look at our pain and move it through our system so it doesn’t reside within us.
When pain starts paying rent inside our bodies, we seek to share pain with others so that we don’t feel lonely in that space. See how backwards that is? What we all want and need is to feel heard and understood. We want our pain to matter. For others to connect to it. But we need to connect to it first. We need to feel it and be present with it and then share it. We don’t have to hurt others while we’re hurting. No. We have to feel our hurt and share it so that we create connection and understanding instead of passing the torch.
May 31, 2017: “I’m such an idiot.” “I can’t believe that I let (that) happen.” “No wonder people don’t like me.” “Maybe bad things happen to me because I’m a bad person.” “Why did this happen to me?” Everyone always leaves.” “Did I deserve that abuse?”
Truth is, we all have a story. And sometimes it’s really easy to hate our stories. Hate what’s happened. Hate that it happened. Hate how it happened. And hate what it’s done to us.
We are allowed to dislike what’s happened, but staying stuck hating the experience only destroys us. We can hate that something happened, but we also can demand that we grow from it and transform from it. Let your story be the gateway to your deepest and greatest connections. Let your story teach you about your emotional needs, your patterns, and where your healing is. Let your story confront you with your shame, and let it teach you how to move through it and use it as strength. Our story is real. Do not ignore it, deny it, shrink it, or minimize it. Embrace it exactly as is. Doing so sends yourself the message that you trust your resiliency. To move through things we must confront them. What’s happened to us does not have to define us. How we respond to it does. Your experience shapes you, and how you deal with those experiences shape your future.
May 2, 2017: It’s easy to love people when they’re easily lovable, right?! That part isn’t much work. What’s much harder is to love them when they’re doing (unlovable) things. We can communicate our hurt and set boundaries, but we can’t force people to do things differently. That will always be upon them.
Sometimes we wind up holding a space and continuing to do the work with them while they remain in our lives, and other times it means stepping away and sending compassionate love from afar.
We don’t have to accept “garbage-y” behavior…we are allowed to set and honor our boundaries. We are allowed to say “this doesn’t work for me, and I can no longer be a part of it.” But even when we set boundaries, we can still send love from afar.
Because no matter what, everyone needs it. Everyone needs love, and it’s something that we can still do without being dishonorable to ourselves. So even if it’s just a kind thought, be mindful to send love to the people in your life. Everyone can use it, and eventually it will be exactly what takes them further.