Hunter’s Affirmations

FullSizeRender-3June 8, 2017: It’s so easy to love and be loved when things are going well. It’s easy when we’re having fun and exploring together. Loving someone when they’re easily lovable comes pretty naturally. And all of that…it’s great. But what’s just as great is when we love people and are loved by people when the ‘not so lovable’ parts show up.
Let’s dive in here. Sometimes our sky is clear and sunny. Sometimes there isn’t a cloud to be found. And other times the sky is roaring and electric. Days it might be grey with the sun hiding, and other days it might hold the most magical of colors that we ever did see.
Beautiful love sees all parts of us, and it finds a way to embrace those different parts…even when they’re resistant, closed down, hurting, or reactive.
Sometimes the storm is where we learn the most about ourselves and each other. Sometimes the clouds trigger us in such a way that it confronts parts of the story that need attention. Sometimes the rain is the greatest gateway to deep connection and intimacy. The easily lovable parts are beautiful…truly…AND the rest can be the greatest opportunity for transformation.
Find ways to love each other through it all. Be in. Always.
FullSizeRender-2June 3, 2017: We’ve heard it before: hurt people – hurt (other) people. But the saying should really go: hurt people who do not connect to and feel their pain, can more easily hurt others than those who do connect and feel their pain. I know…it’s a mouthful. But why? What’s the deal?
When you’re hurting, we have a few options: avoid it, internalize it, feel it, acknowledge it, learn from it. Some of those happen in a specific order, but there’s a divide. The first two keep us stuck. The latter three have us moving through and addressing our pain. Here’s the deal. Confronting our hurt is necessary. Yes, sometimes it’s a timing thing (being avoid ant or in denial can serve us at the right time), but eventually we have GOT to look at our pain and move it through our system so it doesn’t reside within us.
When pain starts paying rent inside our bodies, we seek to share pain with others so that we don’t feel lonely in that space. See how backwards that is? What we all want and need is to feel heard and understood. We want our pain to matter. For others to connect to it. But we need to connect to it first. We need to feel it and be present with it and then share it. We don’t have to hurt others while we’re hurting. No. We have to feel our hurt and share it so that we create connection and understanding instead of passing the torch.

 

May 31, 2017: “I’m such an idiot.” “I can’t believe that I let (that) happen.” “No wonder people don’t like me.” “Maybe bad things happen to me because I’m a bad person.” “Why did this happen to me?” Everyone always leaves.” “Did I deserve that abuse?”
Truth is, we all have a story. And sometimes it’s really easy to hate our stories. Hate what’s happened. Hate that it happened. Hate how it happened. And hate what it’s done to us.
We are allowed to dislike what’s happened, but staying stuck hating the experience only destroys us. We can hate that something happened, but we also can demand that we grow from it and transform from it. Let your story be the gateway to your deepest and greatest connections. Let your story teach you about your emotional needs, your patterns, and where your healing is. Let your story confront you with your shame, and let it teach you how to move through it and use it as strength. Our story is real. Do not ignore it, deny it, shrink it, or minimize it. Embrace it exactly as is. Doing so sends yourself the message that you trust your resiliency. To move through things we must confront them. What’s happened to us does not have to define us. How we respond to it does. Your experience shapes you, and how you deal with those experiences shape your future.
FullSizeRender-3May 2, 2017: It’s easy to love people when they’re easily lovable, right?! That part isn’t much work. What’s much harder is to love them when they’re doing (unlovable) things. We can communicate our hurt and set boundaries, but we can’t force people to do things differently. That will always be upon them.
Sometimes we wind up holding a space and continuing to do the work with them while they remain in our lives, and other times it means stepping away and sending compassionate love from afar.
We don’t have to accept “garbage-y” behavior…we are allowed to set and honor our boundaries. We are allowed to say “this doesn’t work for me, and I can no longer be a part of it.” But even when we set boundaries, we can still send love from afar.
Because no matter what, everyone needs it. Everyone needs love, and it’s something that we can still do without being dishonorable to ourselves. So even if it’s just a kind thought, be mindful to send love to the people in your life. Everyone can use it, and eventually it will be exactly what takes them further.

 

April 24, 2017: Forgive yourself. This is important. You have screwed up in the past. You will screw up again. Every human is born with the ability to make colossal mistakes. You are not alone. Screwing up is not your special skill. Get over it. Dragging around guilt and self-criticism is beyond unhealthy and is utterly pointless, not to mention boring. You aren’t a better person for feeling guilty or bad about yourself.
Get clear on this one truth: guilt, shame, and self-criticism are some of the most destructive forces in your life, which is why forgiving yourself is one of the most powerful.
FullSizeRender-3April 23, 2017: It’s easy to deny it. It’s easy to tuck it away. It’s easy to avoid and hide. Easy to tell ourselves that we don’t want to feel it – don’t need to feel it – don’t have to feel it. But here’s the thing…eventually we do. Confronting it is the way out. It’s the process that lets us feel other emotions more fully. Because when we deny ourselves of the process, we also deny ourselves of the release.
Address it so that you can feel other emotions. Address it so that you give yourself space to step into something else. It’s never about forgetting your story…the experience…the person. It’s just about granting yourself the permission to feel. To listen to yourself. To honor it all. Grieve, so that you can be free to feel something else. Grieve, so that you honor yourself and what has happened. Grieve, so you’re not stuck.
You are strong enough, bold enough, and courageous enough to grieve and get to the other side.
FullSizeRender-2April 22, 2017: “It’ll be okay.” “You’ll get over it.” “With time, the pain will fade.” You see what we did there? We minimized and rushed a person through their pain, and we let our own discomfort of sitting with it keep us from being in the moment with people who need us…and who need the message: “It’s okay to be feeling what you’re feeling.”
So many of us do this. We don’t even realize that our own discomfort with vulnerability…with sadness and hurt…makes us speed up another person’s process.
Let’s take a step back. Let’s allow people to feel. Let’s honor their emotion, and send the message that what they’re feeling is not too much…that what they’re feeling does not need to disappear quickly. This world needs more people who can sit with pain, and let it be what it is. We need people who don’t need to rush us through it.
FullSizeRender-2April 21, 2017: “Thank you” shifts us into a space of gratitude. It asks us to honor the other person and label their generosity. These shifts make a huge difference in relationship wellness.
The practice of gratitude is a game changer.
Practicing appreciation matters. Saying “I’m sorry for being late” is dismissive. It doesn’t honor what the other person had to generously offer…their time and their patience. When we thank them or what they’ve given us, we acknowledge them (gratitude) while also owning our part (accountability).
These are two components of a healthy relationship equation. Sometimes “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it. Dig in a little further. The heartfelt apology needs accountability and understanding, as well as gratitude. Often times those things are more important than the words.
So take this week to pay attention. Shift your language. Practice gratitude. Take ownership. And flip the “I’m sorry” to “thank you”.
16508775_10202761573396910_2125025895359684878_nApril 18, 2017: Not only are you allowed to change, you are required to. So many of us have a strong resistance to change. We make declarations against it as if it’s a bad thing. Maybe it’s because we confuse change and growth? Maybe it’s because we have an unshakeable loyalty to ourselves?
What if it keeps us from living life differently…from changing… What if it’s actually a fear of no longer being the person we’ve gotten used to? What if we’ve lived a life with depression but are afraid to live without it because we don’t know who we are or who we’d be? What if what keeps us from changing is the caretaker part in us that has to make sure everyone around us is okay with the person we’re choosing to grow into? What if change means criticism from others? A lack of acceptance from others?
Growing is never taking you away from yourself. The message that growth sends is not that you aren’t good enough as you are. We often look at change as criticism we need to defend against instead of seeing it as an invitation to our greatest selves.
You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow. I promise you there is an even greater version of you on the other side of your beautiful transformation.
17796828_10202991912435242_7596799278577576928_nApril 7, 2017:¬†Everybody has a chapter they don’t want to read out loud. Spend no time trying to change your past… Spend no time trying to cover it up. Yes, those things were awful. Yes, we’d do anything to change some of those things if we could…but we can’t. All we can do is decide what role it will play in our lives now. Will it own us…or will we have a story of resiliency to share?
Instead of collecting all of the bad moments, collect your moments of growth…your moments of resiliency…your story of change. Collect your aha moments…your “omg, there’s my pattern and I’m choosing differently” moments. Collect it all… Stop making excuses for the dysfunction you allow into your life. Move forward…and be beautiful.
Be beautiful in your imperfect story. Let the light shine through your cracks, and stand proudly in all of your details.
Plus, if you ever wanted to write a book, no one would read anything that starts off with “So, my life has always been perfect, and I’ve never had to grow.”
17629838_10202958986012102_3973968480509532720_nMarch 30, 2017: Love yourself. Love your flaws. Be confident in who you are. Who you are is wonderful, beautiful, and more than “enough.” You are WORTHY. Believe it.
Love and accept yourself as you are so that you are open to receiving love. Sure, you have flaws and things you want to change about yourself. We all do – whether it’s wanting to lose weight, be more positive or more confident, have straight hair or whatever it may be – you are still WORTHY. Right now. As is. You don’t need to prove anything to approve of yourself.
You need to erase this idea that there is something wrong with you. Delete the notion that you’re unlovable, that you have some defective piece of you that stops someone from loving you. Let people in…let them love you.
If you can deeply connect with the real you, who wants, needs, and above all deserves to be loved, a freedom lies ahead that is beautiful to behold.
17457697_10202939887214644_76868931324860243_nMarch 25, 2017: So very true. Love yourself. As you begin to love yourself, your relationship with everyone else changes.